I have spent most of the last two years+ living alone, but I had a significant other at the other end of an online messaging service to pander to my every emotional whim.  And before that, although my marriage may not have been the stuff that happily ever afters are made of, I had been known to get a glass of water with my paracetamol, when I was ill.

These last three days I have been feeling like death and without an other half to lean on, I’ve been groping around in the dark, not really knowing how to get the support I need.  I’ve been sleeping between sobbing fits, until I was well enough to go downstairs and sit on my little square pouffe (being without any comfy furniture right now) and cry into my latest easy to make and nutritionally empty meal.

My question is a simple one.  “How do I ask for help?” I would have liked someone to keep me company a little bit. I could have done with someone to pick up some painkillers when I ran out and had to suffer with headaches. I really could have done with some decent food to help me recover.  I wasn’t asking for anything out of this world, but the problem was I wasn’t asking! Why wasn’t I asking? I like to think I’d help someone else in a similar situation.

I had one friend who was able to pick up from cryptic messages on facebook that I was somewhat under the weather, but even then I didn’t pursue.  I even told her I didn’t know how to ask for help, but still didn’t actually let her know what I needed.  I would like to thank her though for taking the time to check if I was ok.

I considered putting a call out on facebook, but that felt desperate.  I thought about texting a couple of friends and asking them if they could do one of my three tasks required above, but that felt plain rude. A phone call was out of the question, my voice had completely disappeared!

I did actually text another friend telling them how crap I was feeling and it was completely ignored… I am hoping to receive an apologetic text in the near future about how the phone had been dropped down the loo and they had just got the message or that some tragedy had befallen them that makes my poorliness pale in comparison… I am also not holding my breath.

I am feeling much better now, although my voice has still not returned enough to hold a sensible phone conversation.  For next time, I am now asking from anyone reading this… How do I ask for help?

Jan
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Well, hello there!  It’s been while, and there has been a lot going on, but I am back now to resume my insane blogging, beginning with, Where have I been for the last three and a half months?

• I have been working very, very hard at my day job, too hard in fact, and making myself ill…
• I have intended to launch a new kitty, Virtual Kitty, but got distracted, then launched Valentine Kitty, which I was very proud of…
• Then I split with my Big Dog, which kind of washed my new Valentine Kitty Fairy Tale down the plug hole…
• Which led to me rejuvenating my life and my friendships…
• And taking up new and old hobbies…
• And I’m currently in the throws of changing my career and moving house.

So, I have been a very busy kitty indeed.  And what does the immediate future hold.

• In nine days time I will have moved to a new home, a house, not a flat, where I can have my very own permanent craft room set up free to use any time night any day – no more needing to think of my upstairs and downstairs neighbours.
• I hoping very soon to cross over to the dark side and become a contractor in my day job, I am all set up with a Ltd Company, bank accoutn will soon be sorted, now I just need someone to employ me.
• I have a line dancing competition to compete in and some line dancing exams to be examined in, which means lots of practicing in my new living room (again no downstairs neighbours to worry about)
• I have lots of Christmas celebrating to prepare for, cards to write, presents to buy and make, mince pies to bake, cake to feed sherry to and lots of general busy fun.

AND I have a Vivid Kitty Blog to bring back to life…

Until next time, which I promise won’t involve waiting as long as this time,

Jan
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Earlier in my blog, I posted an article about a very special life coach who helped me to achieve great things with my life in the last few years. He is an amazing man - with a hat - and I am grateful for my continued connection with him. He is doing marvelous things.

But in this area I have been doubley blessed. My life has recently welcomed back, with big hugs and laughter, a wonderful woman who was the catalyst for my transformation. She opened my heart to the possibility of change and let me glimpse what was possible. She is responsible for my clarity on the career I wanted and my belief that I could have it and actually deserved it. Then with changing jobs and lives, we drifted into a blackhole which consumes many developing and developed friendships alike. The blackhole of ‘I’ll call/email/text them later’.

Then two years on I got the most heart warming email ever received (from anyone who isn’t my Big Dog). I will be eternally grateful to her for reaching out to me and taking the leap after reading about my green eyed monster on facebook. Now, two years after we last sat together eating our lunch in Millenium Gardens, she has come storming back into my life and I have realised how much I have missed her. And not only do I get to reconnect with a wonderful friend, but she comes with a bonus gift. She is now self-employed as a life coach, which is such a perfect fit for the woman who has coached me through many life experiences past and present.  Now, I am taking full advantage of her pilot telephone group coaching session – ‘The Summer of Love’.

We are now three weeks into the nine week course and through these calls I have found the courage to set some pretty enormous goals, to push through some of my own self sabotaging behaviours and get cracking on those first steps on my journey to realising amazing things in my life. I have my Millionaire’s Outfit (which includes some pretty fabulous red sparkley stilletos of dizzying heights and a red bow tie) pinned up over my computer at home to help me find the right mind set when I need it (yes one of my goals involves making lots of money).  And I have been given lots of ideas about my dancing desires by the three other amazing women who I share Tilla’s call with.

In fact, I need to spare a thought for these women. They are all such open and honest people and I feel truely honoured to be a part of this journey that we are all making together. With Tilla and my fellow Mojo hunters, I feel like the challenges I’m facing are happening in a very safe place and hope that I can give these special women even a little of the support I can feel from them. Working together I know that we are all going to find many ways to share our own distinct fabulousnesses with the world.

I will keep you updated on my progress and hope you will take the time to check out Tilla’s website (the most recent of my Creative Friends links). It might just be the kindest thing you do for yourself today.

Jan
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I don’t want to start making bold claims of what this feline will be getting up to, but it will definately involve another of my passions.  Keep an eye here and I’m sure Vivid Kitty will be happy to introduce you to this new Kitty on the block.

With love (and some confusion I suspect),

Jan
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Well, some lucky squares have my frugality (is that a word?) to thank for a second chance.  While browsing through the tissues in one of my local supermarkets, I was shocked at the difference in price between the basic range and tissues with a pretty pattern on the box.  I figured I’d give the basic ones a try, as I often like to do  (btw – yay to basics instant custard, nay to the basics sausages).  I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were pretty good.  Maybe, if I had a cold and needed to blow my nose on a 30 second loop, then I might need the special ‘lubricated’ tissues with picture of pooh bear on, but for normal use these tissues are now on my good to buy basics list.

The only thing left to do was to find a way to disguise them.  I did consider buying one very expensive brand and then doing swapsies when I ran out, but figured that a cardboard box would soon get tired and torn.  Then, lightbulb moment!  Didn’t I once sew a tissue box cover when I was at school, many moons ago?  Yes, I believe I did.  So I dragged out some of those sad little squares and patchworked together a custom sized tissue box cover.  So now I’m sorted – unless the supermarket change the size of their cheapo boxes of tissue. :$

You might well wonder if it was worth all that effort if I was going to tell everyone about what’s hidden under my tissue box sized prom dress.  Well, I honestly don’t care what anyone thinks.  I am just happy to have my cuddly cushions and pretty tissue package to help me through those weepy films I love to watch.  My perfect ‘Chick Flick Survial Kit’, especially when teamed with the pink snuggle my lovely man bought me as a present, just because.  I’m so lucky. :D

Now, decisions… ‘Bridget Jones’ or ‘Practical Magic’ or, maybe, ‘GI Jane’… hmmmmm…

ttfn,

Jan
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Just a quick blog to show you all my first item of clothing in a very long time.  It’s not the best picture, but hopefully I’ll have a better one tomorrow night when I wear it to out for a meal with my good friend Catherine.

Next sewing item will be a shirt that I am hoping I will be able wear to work, especially since it’s so bloody warm in the office and I only seem to own jumpers right now.  A nice cool shirt would be very nice to have – especially one that fits.

Well, cheers m’dears,

Jan
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I had a wonderful evening last night plotting and scheming with my good friend Debby.  After two false starts on Tue and Wed we finally got down to our creative business and I have been left with an amazing sense of excitment about some new projects.  It’s too soon to drop any clues yet, but I’ll be making some announcements here on my blog in the not too distant future. Hopefully you will want to be involved too.

And in sewing news, I am planning on making my first item of clothing since I was a teenager. I have a pattern for a shirt from a recent issue of Sew magazine, which I am hoping I will be able to wear for work next week.

***

Cut forward 19 hours and I’m sat waiting for my train into Leeds.  I’ve spent the morning browsing the internet for some fabric ideas for my shirt and now I am ready to hit the market.  I’m a little anxious about the conversation I will be having with the stall holders. I really don’t know much about fabrics and I’m not in the mood to be patronised when I start asking questions.  Hopefully I’ll be meeting some people who’ll enjoy my interest.

***

Fast forward another ten hours and here I am having just finished cutting out my first pattern and itching to start sewing, but that would just be unfair on my neighbours.  Sometimes I really hate living in a flat.  So here I am uploading all this blog from the last couple of days activities.

I can report that I have a very successful shopping trip to Leeds Market and found a lovely fabric store, where they happily spent the time explaining the different fabrics for the different projects I am planning.  I have now washed and ironed all the fabric and chopped out my first pattern ready to start (actually not the shirt, but a jersey cotton tie up top).  I even traced the patterns onto seperate pattern paper, so I can reuse the pattern in different sizes.  Because I’m going to need that when I slim out of my current wardrobe.  See –  that positive thinking is still going past midnight – I am doing well.

Well, I think I’m ready for my nightly glass of milk and hopefully I’ll be able to get to sleep in this close muggy weather.

Good Night All,

Jan
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I have now completed my tote with a zip.  Ta Da!  I was hindered by my busy schedule and my pessimistic atitude but here it is joined by a matching coin purse ready to be listed in my Etsy shop.

I have plans to tackle clothing next week, after I’ve had the chance to go shopping for material.  I got a great pattern with a sewing magazine for a shirt / shirt dress and I feel like my wardrobe is missing something I can throw on over a strappy top on those warm but breezy days.  It would be great to make something I can wear.

 

Well, goodbye from Leeds Station.

 

ttfn,

 

Jan
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Work was incredibly tough after a ridiculous breakdown of relationships the week before.  There were teddies being thrown out of cots left, right and centre and I was the one trying to get people to work together.  I managed to keep the project on plan, but it did involve me staying at work 3 hours longer than I would have normally done on a Friday and getting home with a banging headache.

After a week of slithering into emotional sinking sand until it was just under our noses, my beloved and I have finally figured out what we have to do to move him 3000 miles east and back into my bed.  Unfortunately it will involve 6 months filling a pretty massive piggy bank with money that is not yet destined for our grubby hands.  We do intend to change that though, with hard work and lots of creative thinking.  Thankfully, I have signed up to a new eight week group coaching session starting at the end of June, with someone who will definately get my creative cells toned and ready to cause GBH to my negative thoughts.  Yay, Tilla!

Well, that was last week and then I went to bed early.

This morning I woke up feeling like I had slept for a year.  Well rested and ready for anything, I set about tackling my next sewing project.  A tote bag with a zip.  Now I know this does not sound life changing, but I am pretty excited about it.  Wouldn’t it be nice to set off shopping with your tote all ready to be filled with lovely new trinkets, life enhancing lotions and bath bombs or even just milk, bread and blueberry muffins without having to juggle your hand bag too.  I mean, do we really need the kitchen sink when we are getting in the retail therapy?  So out comes your tote with a zip – a lovely little inside pocket, just big enough to safely hold your purse (hopefully a vivid kitty coin purse), your keys and your phone, and all within easy reach, without having to delve into the depths.  Ta Da, tote with a zip!

I hope to have some pics for you tomorrow, when this particular butterfly and flower covered one will be all ready for a new home.

Until next time,

Jan
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Well, I’ve found some time to fit a little blogging into my hectic, erm… slightly busy, schedule (while I drink my morning coffee).

Today, I have a very important business meeting, ie drinking lots of tea and having a damn good natter with a great friend, to discuss an exciting prize give away we will be releasing details of in the near future.  Collaboration is the name of the game.  Keep your eyes pealed and you could find yourself the owner of some lovely… well that would be telling wouldn’t it.  Make sure you sign up with my facebook page – link to the right – to be one of the first to hear all about it.

Well, it is early and I had a late night last night, so I need to go and refill my coffee cup and get cutting out some pattern pieces for some new coins purses.

Glad to be back,

Jan
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